June 26th 2010
The day a very close friend of mine had his going away party.
This friend of mine is a yellow Asian (Duh!) who is from Hong Kong and he came to my high school (which is not in Hong Kong) as a foreign exchange student. The original plan I had had for the night was to piss off my friend (Friend to be Pissed off), who was hosting the Asian’s going away party, by flirting with his girlfriend and possibly getting her to compromise their relationship. There was already some background foundation to this plan since I had previously flirted with his ex-girlfriend and in my opinion contributed to their break-up—he would never admit that though. This history would have made my plan with his current girlfriend superbly ideal. But this plan went south pretty much right away since; I had a girlfriend and I would not compromise my relationship just to piss off a friend. So, an alternative plan was created which was also pretty much next to perfect. This plan resembled a sort of event that happened in classic film containing an citizen of the country below Canada having intercourse with a pie, and in later films contributing to his grandmother's death by masturbation. I decided that I would piss in his beer. This was actually accomplished with the help of a Fellow Dick-Friend who is, which as you may of assumed considering the nickname I have given him in this Handbook, renowned as a dick also. He may be mentioned later on and some of his pranks and humorous events maybe be journalised. As my Friend to be Pissed off was rolling a joint in his room, my Fellow Dick-Friend came and let it be known to me that Friend to be Pissed off had ignorantly left his mug of alcohol sitting unattended on a counter. The following did not happen precisely as planned, which had been to take it and quietly slip away, piss in it and quietly replace it where it had been. What actually happened was: picked up mug, asked a friend if it was the right mug who then asked another person and another until everyone knew I had in my possession the Friend to be Pissed off’s mug. Even though my secret prank was not quite so secret anymore I still went ahead with it since now it would be even funnier because once he drank it and realised something was up he would find out it was me. The rest of the plan went smoothly (slipping away, pissing in it and replacing it where it had been). I will not ruin the ending of the prank by telling of his reaction, if you wish to know the reaction of someone who just drank alcohol that had been pissed it then do it to someone and see their reaction. Chances are the reaction of someone who drank violated alcohol will be the same regardless who the unwilling participant may be.
Of course, at a party there is always a way to piss multiple people off in a multiple amount of ways. Here are some easy quick ways to piss people off. First piss off technique: you will need a bottle of Purell (or other sanitizer or hand cream) and you will need to be at a party where everyone is close and gives each other hugs when they are wasted. This simple piss off technique is simply when they give you a hug you slip the bottle of Purell to the back of their neck and squeeze so it squirts down their back. Again the reaction will not be ruined by being stated here. Though the reaction can easily be imagined and in internet slang be summed up with three letters ‘WTF’. Technique number two was actually thought of by a friend (not fellow Dick-Friend, but Stoner Skaterboarder Dude who has greater parts in later passages of dick moments) and Miss BFFL (who has even greater amount of dick moments to come): you will need a mouse trap and someone who knows how to set up mouse traps. Simply set the mouse trap and sneakily place in a secluded spot which will be visited by someone eventually. Reaction will not be stated but again you can easily imagine what would happen. If you wish to hurry the process of someone stepping on the trap and if you have the skills not to blow the whole thing then you maybe able to convince someone to walk in that general area thus giving them the chance to step on the trap. A third technique is an obvious one which maybe overlooked but often is still practiced. I did this one twice to two different people. This technique is stealing something off someone that they will obviously be noticed, in my first case it was a hat, second was a shoe. First case I took the hat off someone and ran around the room, when he couldn’t see me I ran to the freezer and threw it in. Thirty minutes later after he searches where I told him I hid it (which had been a lie, I said i threw it in a random room) I told him that his hat was frozen. His reaction took a few seconds to happen but he soon clicked in, but sorry I won’t tell you what he did or said. Second case was, before I left I pulled yet another prank on the Friend to be Pissed off, which was taking his shoe walking a few steps outside and hiding it behind a wall. Four months later, the girl he had been dating at this time but is now his ex due to his stupidity but luckily for me I have been informed of some key information regarding this event. The reaction of his to his shoes was golden and therefore I will tell you of it. From the words of his now ex-girlfriend apparently he woke up in a fit of rage about his lost shoes and finally came to the conclusion that I hid them and decided to call. Him calling was a bit of a downer since it was still before noon and that means I was still asleep, and being woken up sucks a$$. I told him that I hid his shoes outside and hung up. Now his ex has told me that he spent about half an hour running around outside bare foot looking for his shoes, she said that it was hilarious and knowing him it probably was; stomping around outside cursing my name to the heavens above.
All of those techniques add up to give someone a nice little reputation of a dick for the night. One last important thing to be noted about the night was that the Friend to be Pissed off had a gingerbread house that he had kept for two years (do not ask me why, sentimental apparently) which I placed on the pool table and got people to take shots at it. Then once he caught onto to it and crabbed about it, I again stole the gingerbread house and placed it in his room on the floor behind his door so that when he opened his door, the house would be smashed between the wall and the door.
I will now demonstrate how the original plan would have worked out, for those who wish to use this plan and need not worry about compromising their own relationship. This is quite simple; you must obviously have some charisma and can bullshit to a girl by being sweet to her even if you have no care in the world for her. You must be able to make her think you are a swell guy and think you may be special. It is also an added bonus if you are a stud and at least have something going for you in the appearance department (which I do not). You may not be able to accomplish this goal if you are ugly, stinky, gross and anti-social. You cannot be a creep or stalker, and must not ever have been caught picking your nose or ass in public—keep that for the privacy of your own room children or when you’re surrounded by blind people. Also, make sure you are legal age to be flirting with the specific age of the girl and are not a pedophile. Back to the plan now, after you have been sweet and nice to her and made her see something in your that is not actually there which means you have caught her in your web you may proceed to the next part. This part may not work if she has really hardcore feelings for her current boyfriend, but no matter what just part one will work in pissing off the Friend to be Pissed off. The second part is the attempt of getting her into bed, or couch, car, closet, bathroom, really wherever you want to get caught having sex with someone. This can be done by the typical way of seducing a girl, which is unique to every guy. If you have not figured out how to seduce a girl, I suggest you start figuring it out or else you will quickly fall way behind in life. In my case it is more often or not being abrupt about it and honest. Or honest to her. I let her know that I “want” her and that I “throb” for her. Pretty much I believe that that will melt any girl to your whim if played correctly. If she declines then you may keep asking which will add to the effect of pissing of the Friend to be Pissed off. If she accepts then go get a rubber and bring her to your place of mating. This is all there is to it. If you wish to piss the Friend to be Pissed off more then you may set it up so he walks in on you and his girlfriend or afterwards whisper to a few people what happened so it quickly spreads to the Friend to be Pissed off. Something also to add would be, that having a Fellow Dick-Friend helps in many cases. Your Fellow Dick-Friend will be able to back you up if when talking sweet to the girl. If she claims you lie when you flirt, then the Fellow Dick-Friend may jump in and say stuff like “Oh, but it is true he talks about you all the time… blah blah” whatever shit he can come up with. He may also help in getting the Friend to be Pissed off to walk in on the mating sessions. A last possibility if you wanted to go to an extremity to piss off the Friend to be Pissed off would be to negate the whole having sex with his girlfriend and just go for his mom instead.
This friend of mine is a yellow Asian (Duh!) who is from Hong Kong and he came to my high school (which is not in Hong Kong) as a foreign exchange student. The original plan I had had for the night was to piss off my friend (Friend to be Pissed off), who was hosting the Asian’s going away party, by flirting with his girlfriend and possibly getting her to compromise their relationship. There was already some background foundation to this plan since I had previously flirted with his ex-girlfriend and in my opinion contributed to their break-up—he would never admit that though. This history would have made my plan with his current girlfriend superbly ideal. But this plan went south pretty much right away since; I had a girlfriend and I would not compromise my relationship just to piss off a friend. So, an alternative plan was created which was also pretty much next to perfect. This plan resembled a sort of event that happened in classic film containing an citizen of the country below Canada having intercourse with a pie, and in later films contributing to his grandmother's death by masturbation. I decided that I would piss in his beer. This was actually accomplished with the help of a Fellow Dick-Friend who is, which as you may of assumed considering the nickname I have given him in this Handbook, renowned as a dick also. He may be mentioned later on and some of his pranks and humorous events maybe be journalised. As my Friend to be Pissed off was rolling a joint in his room, my Fellow Dick-Friend came and let it be known to me that Friend to be Pissed off had ignorantly left his mug of alcohol sitting unattended on a counter. The following did not happen precisely as planned, which had been to take it and quietly slip away, piss in it and quietly replace it where it had been. What actually happened was: picked up mug, asked a friend if it was the right mug who then asked another person and another until everyone knew I had in my possession the Friend to be Pissed off’s mug. Even though my secret prank was not quite so secret anymore I still went ahead with it since now it would be even funnier because once he drank it and realised something was up he would find out it was me. The rest of the plan went smoothly (slipping away, pissing in it and replacing it where it had been). I will not ruin the ending of the prank by telling of his reaction, if you wish to know the reaction of someone who just drank alcohol that had been pissed it then do it to someone and see their reaction. Chances are the reaction of someone who drank violated alcohol will be the same regardless who the unwilling participant may be.
Of course, at a party there is always a way to piss multiple people off in a multiple amount of ways. Here are some easy quick ways to piss people off. First piss off technique: you will need a bottle of Purell (or other sanitizer or hand cream) and you will need to be at a party where everyone is close and gives each other hugs when they are wasted. This simple piss off technique is simply when they give you a hug you slip the bottle of Purell to the back of their neck and squeeze so it squirts down their back. Again the reaction will not be ruined by being stated here. Though the reaction can easily be imagined and in internet slang be summed up with three letters ‘WTF’. Technique number two was actually thought of by a friend (not fellow Dick-Friend, but Stoner Skaterboarder Dude who has greater parts in later passages of dick moments) and Miss BFFL (who has even greater amount of dick moments to come): you will need a mouse trap and someone who knows how to set up mouse traps. Simply set the mouse trap and sneakily place in a secluded spot which will be visited by someone eventually. Reaction will not be stated but again you can easily imagine what would happen. If you wish to hurry the process of someone stepping on the trap and if you have the skills not to blow the whole thing then you maybe able to convince someone to walk in that general area thus giving them the chance to step on the trap. A third technique is an obvious one which maybe overlooked but often is still practiced. I did this one twice to two different people. This technique is stealing something off someone that they will obviously be noticed, in my first case it was a hat, second was a shoe. First case I took the hat off someone and ran around the room, when he couldn’t see me I ran to the freezer and threw it in. Thirty minutes later after he searches where I told him I hid it (which had been a lie, I said i threw it in a random room) I told him that his hat was frozen. His reaction took a few seconds to happen but he soon clicked in, but sorry I won’t tell you what he did or said. Second case was, before I left I pulled yet another prank on the Friend to be Pissed off, which was taking his shoe walking a few steps outside and hiding it behind a wall. Four months later, the girl he had been dating at this time but is now his ex due to his stupidity but luckily for me I have been informed of some key information regarding this event. The reaction of his to his shoes was golden and therefore I will tell you of it. From the words of his now ex-girlfriend apparently he woke up in a fit of rage about his lost shoes and finally came to the conclusion that I hid them and decided to call. Him calling was a bit of a downer since it was still before noon and that means I was still asleep, and being woken up sucks a$$. I told him that I hid his shoes outside and hung up. Now his ex has told me that he spent about half an hour running around outside bare foot looking for his shoes, she said that it was hilarious and knowing him it probably was; stomping around outside cursing my name to the heavens above.
All of those techniques add up to give someone a nice little reputation of a dick for the night. One last important thing to be noted about the night was that the Friend to be Pissed off had a gingerbread house that he had kept for two years (do not ask me why, sentimental apparently) which I placed on the pool table and got people to take shots at it. Then once he caught onto to it and crabbed about it, I again stole the gingerbread house and placed it in his room on the floor behind his door so that when he opened his door, the house would be smashed between the wall and the door.
I will now demonstrate how the original plan would have worked out, for those who wish to use this plan and need not worry about compromising their own relationship. This is quite simple; you must obviously have some charisma and can bullshit to a girl by being sweet to her even if you have no care in the world for her. You must be able to make her think you are a swell guy and think you may be special. It is also an added bonus if you are a stud and at least have something going for you in the appearance department (which I do not). You may not be able to accomplish this goal if you are ugly, stinky, gross and anti-social. You cannot be a creep or stalker, and must not ever have been caught picking your nose or ass in public—keep that for the privacy of your own room children or when you’re surrounded by blind people. Also, make sure you are legal age to be flirting with the specific age of the girl and are not a pedophile. Back to the plan now, after you have been sweet and nice to her and made her see something in your that is not actually there which means you have caught her in your web you may proceed to the next part. This part may not work if she has really hardcore feelings for her current boyfriend, but no matter what just part one will work in pissing off the Friend to be Pissed off. The second part is the attempt of getting her into bed, or couch, car, closet, bathroom, really wherever you want to get caught having sex with someone. This can be done by the typical way of seducing a girl, which is unique to every guy. If you have not figured out how to seduce a girl, I suggest you start figuring it out or else you will quickly fall way behind in life. In my case it is more often or not being abrupt about it and honest. Or honest to her. I let her know that I “want” her and that I “throb” for her. Pretty much I believe that that will melt any girl to your whim if played correctly. If she declines then you may keep asking which will add to the effect of pissing of the Friend to be Pissed off. If she accepts then go get a rubber and bring her to your place of mating. This is all there is to it. If you wish to piss the Friend to be Pissed off more then you may set it up so he walks in on you and his girlfriend or afterwards whisper to a few people what happened so it quickly spreads to the Friend to be Pissed off. Something also to add would be, that having a Fellow Dick-Friend helps in many cases. Your Fellow Dick-Friend will be able to back you up if when talking sweet to the girl. If she claims you lie when you flirt, then the Fellow Dick-Friend may jump in and say stuff like “Oh, but it is true he talks about you all the time… blah blah” whatever shit he can come up with. He may also help in getting the Friend to be Pissed off to walk in on the mating sessions. A last possibility if you wanted to go to an extremity to piss off the Friend to be Pissed off would be to negate the whole having sex with his girlfriend and just go for his mom instead.