Random Acts of Dickness
I believe the best way to approach this segment would be to just use random names I have given people in previous sections since there are many occasions things like this have been done, therefore it would be too hard to remember who did what. As I have titled this segment it will be about random acts of being a dick, mainly going up to random people and either saying something random to them or doing something random to them. Some may not seem like the most dickish things but this is only because when face to face with someone you have to be careful what you say and do unless you feel a desire to be knocked out. Most people have a good sense of humour and will be understanding, some people will just brush you off and ignore you, while some people tend to be more aggressive and will cuss and may turn violent. For your own safety try to learn to read people and go for the good humoured people, these people are the ones who will remember you the most, well them and the dude or dudette who may knock you out. The ones who ignore you may go home and quickly say, “Oh on my way home from FLG this random person came up behind me and did this random act of being a dick.” Then everyone will be like “what the hell, why did that random person do that random dick move?” but once this puzzlement wears off they will continue with their lives and you will die from their memory. Dying from people’s memory is exactly what this Handbook is trying to avoid so avoid people like that, we all want to be remembered forever, and no one wants to be forgotten forever. Being forgotten makes life seem so pointless. With that reminder of our goal let us commence this section of Random Acts of Dickness.
The first technique is one that my friend and I discussed; this friend will be the only person to be newly introduced as Blue-Haired Flesh Face Cyborg or B-HFFC for short. We were talking on a social networking page called Book of Faces and B-HFFC came up with the word Smarticles, which in my opinion makes it sound like you have testicles hanging from your head. The context this word was created was when she was commenting on how much smarter she is than me, which is probably true. With this new word in our vocabulary and the image of testicles hanging from people’s heads the conversation went one step further. We decided it would be absolutely random to go up to a random someone and say “May I cradle your Smarticles?” This could be easily misinterpreted as us asking that random someone to cradle their testicles, which would hence be quite a dick move with how creepy and messed it is. Imagine going up to a random person walking out of FLG or SD and being confronted by a random person and asked if it was possible to cradle their Smarticles. This is the first technique of a Random Act of Dickness. Now as a warning if the person concedes to letting you cradle their Smarticles they are either trying to go with the flow or they are a bigger creep then you are and you should run for the hills. If you wish for a name for this technique then it shall be named simply Smarticle Cradling. One more thing to add is that you should ask them your question loudly for others to hear, this will maximize your resulting dick reputation since no one likes to be embarrassed or humiliated like that.
Another technique which can be seen on the slave box or slave screen connected to a virtual informational world would be doing the party boy dance to a random person. I am sure most people reading this have probably thought about doing this to random people especially since it can be seen in a specific film where there is a dude who rips off all his clothes and does it to random folk. May I add that an actor from this film has died in a car accident, may his soul rest in peace and always be remembered. I believe the first person he does this to is an Asian, and no this Asian is not Yellow Dick, even though most Asian look the same. I hope this does not put off certain readers though if it does just associate it with me being a dick, but I believe most white folk have the same opinion. Now for those who do not know what the party boy dance is, it is pretty much air humping someone rapidly. You open your legs as if you are doing the crouch exercise and you raise your arms to your ears so they form open triangles. Then you configure your face as if you are having extreme pleasure. Once in this position you start thrusting your body at the random person rapidly. I have provided a breakdown but to accomplish this technique you will need to do all that I have said quickly or else the random person may book it away from you before you have a chance to be a dick. For an added effect you can make moaning sounds too. This is the best way to perform this technique, if you need practice get a Fellow Dick Friend to be your random person first, may I suggest making this Fellow Dick Friend be a girl if you are a guy or a guy if you are a girl. Though if you are a guy and are comfortable with your sexuality when doing it for the real deal try to perform the technique on another guy because male homosexuality is more frowned upon then female homosexuality and will make the random person more humiliated. If you are a female any sex is fair game. Oh, if you want to get even more laughs find someone who is walking a dog and do it to the dog. Were I to witness a random person doing the party boy to a dog I would actually fall to the ground in a laughing fit.
A final way in this chapter of being a dick in a random way would be to go up to a random person, for this technique I suggest the opposite sex. Before I say anymore let me first describe a situation. Let’s say you are a male and you see this smoking hot female—though if you don’t want to mess up your chances with her you might want to go for a non-smoking hot female—now you go up to this female and you say something nice like, “you have nice legs wanna have sweaty passionate sex?” or simply “you are pretty”. If you do that you are a nice person, congrats! But this isn’t what this book is about, maybe one day I’ll write a follow-up on how to be a remembered as a good person, but right now this isn’t that book. So after you become a nice person you need to ruin it by saying, “just kidding”, or “actually you kinda look like a mix between an elephant, whale, gorilla and my dog’s morning shit”. There we go; you are now back to being a dick. I bet I scared you for a second thinking, “oh no, the dick author of this handbook has gone soft!” No worries, I have not. To create a balance for the different sexes, since that is what the world has come to, I will now quickly give an example for the female people reading this handbook. For you females let’s say you see a nice beefy male, or not beefy if you don’t want to mess up your chances, you would then need to go up to him and say, “Nice guns, wanna hoist me up and nail me?” or more appropriately say, “Hey you are pretty damn fine.” Ego boost for the win! Now it’s time to bring him down, by saying “Nah, sorry, I tend to lie a lot when it is my time of the month.” You might want to cut out the sorry though, or you could say “just kidding”. Bang! down goes the Berlin wall of Ego. For this technique, entitled Deceiving Compliments, you will need a voice, a body and another human being. This technique may fail if you are extremely ugly since the person may laugh in your face thus making that person a dick in your view which would count as a backfire.
This concludes this chapter on Random Acts of Dickness which includes the features: Smarticle Cradling, The Party Boy and last of all the one you just read about, Deceiving Compliments. These are easy and quick ways to be a dick, try them out, just as a reminder be careful who you do this to. I am not liable for any medical attention that may result as of your own stupidity. Good luck, may you succeed and prosper.
The first technique is one that my friend and I discussed; this friend will be the only person to be newly introduced as Blue-Haired Flesh Face Cyborg or B-HFFC for short. We were talking on a social networking page called Book of Faces and B-HFFC came up with the word Smarticles, which in my opinion makes it sound like you have testicles hanging from your head. The context this word was created was when she was commenting on how much smarter she is than me, which is probably true. With this new word in our vocabulary and the image of testicles hanging from people’s heads the conversation went one step further. We decided it would be absolutely random to go up to a random someone and say “May I cradle your Smarticles?” This could be easily misinterpreted as us asking that random someone to cradle their testicles, which would hence be quite a dick move with how creepy and messed it is. Imagine going up to a random person walking out of FLG or SD and being confronted by a random person and asked if it was possible to cradle their Smarticles. This is the first technique of a Random Act of Dickness. Now as a warning if the person concedes to letting you cradle their Smarticles they are either trying to go with the flow or they are a bigger creep then you are and you should run for the hills. If you wish for a name for this technique then it shall be named simply Smarticle Cradling. One more thing to add is that you should ask them your question loudly for others to hear, this will maximize your resulting dick reputation since no one likes to be embarrassed or humiliated like that.
Another technique which can be seen on the slave box or slave screen connected to a virtual informational world would be doing the party boy dance to a random person. I am sure most people reading this have probably thought about doing this to random people especially since it can be seen in a specific film where there is a dude who rips off all his clothes and does it to random folk. May I add that an actor from this film has died in a car accident, may his soul rest in peace and always be remembered. I believe the first person he does this to is an Asian, and no this Asian is not Yellow Dick, even though most Asian look the same. I hope this does not put off certain readers though if it does just associate it with me being a dick, but I believe most white folk have the same opinion. Now for those who do not know what the party boy dance is, it is pretty much air humping someone rapidly. You open your legs as if you are doing the crouch exercise and you raise your arms to your ears so they form open triangles. Then you configure your face as if you are having extreme pleasure. Once in this position you start thrusting your body at the random person rapidly. I have provided a breakdown but to accomplish this technique you will need to do all that I have said quickly or else the random person may book it away from you before you have a chance to be a dick. For an added effect you can make moaning sounds too. This is the best way to perform this technique, if you need practice get a Fellow Dick Friend to be your random person first, may I suggest making this Fellow Dick Friend be a girl if you are a guy or a guy if you are a girl. Though if you are a guy and are comfortable with your sexuality when doing it for the real deal try to perform the technique on another guy because male homosexuality is more frowned upon then female homosexuality and will make the random person more humiliated. If you are a female any sex is fair game. Oh, if you want to get even more laughs find someone who is walking a dog and do it to the dog. Were I to witness a random person doing the party boy to a dog I would actually fall to the ground in a laughing fit.
A final way in this chapter of being a dick in a random way would be to go up to a random person, for this technique I suggest the opposite sex. Before I say anymore let me first describe a situation. Let’s say you are a male and you see this smoking hot female—though if you don’t want to mess up your chances with her you might want to go for a non-smoking hot female—now you go up to this female and you say something nice like, “you have nice legs wanna have sweaty passionate sex?” or simply “you are pretty”. If you do that you are a nice person, congrats! But this isn’t what this book is about, maybe one day I’ll write a follow-up on how to be a remembered as a good person, but right now this isn’t that book. So after you become a nice person you need to ruin it by saying, “just kidding”, or “actually you kinda look like a mix between an elephant, whale, gorilla and my dog’s morning shit”. There we go; you are now back to being a dick. I bet I scared you for a second thinking, “oh no, the dick author of this handbook has gone soft!” No worries, I have not. To create a balance for the different sexes, since that is what the world has come to, I will now quickly give an example for the female people reading this handbook. For you females let’s say you see a nice beefy male, or not beefy if you don’t want to mess up your chances, you would then need to go up to him and say, “Nice guns, wanna hoist me up and nail me?” or more appropriately say, “Hey you are pretty damn fine.” Ego boost for the win! Now it’s time to bring him down, by saying “Nah, sorry, I tend to lie a lot when it is my time of the month.” You might want to cut out the sorry though, or you could say “just kidding”. Bang! down goes the Berlin wall of Ego. For this technique, entitled Deceiving Compliments, you will need a voice, a body and another human being. This technique may fail if you are extremely ugly since the person may laugh in your face thus making that person a dick in your view which would count as a backfire.
This concludes this chapter on Random Acts of Dickness which includes the features: Smarticle Cradling, The Party Boy and last of all the one you just read about, Deceiving Compliments. These are easy and quick ways to be a dick, try them out, just as a reminder be careful who you do this to. I am not liable for any medical attention that may result as of your own stupidity. Good luck, may you succeed and prosper.